Exciting news!!! There was a Chicago sighting last week! No not that Chicago. Chicago as in Dennis “Chicago” Kennedy because Dennis bailed on us (Craig, Doug, Joe, Bill and me) and went to Chicago instead of riding in the Iceman mountain bike race November of last year!
I saw Dennis in the parking lot at work last Wednesday, July 16th. No he wasn’t driving his manly Z71 pickup truck, or his Willy’s Jeep, or even his cute little Mazda Miata convertible, he was driving his wife’s Mustang convertible, that’s right, his wife’s car. Worse yet, I hear but I have not seen nor can I confirm that Dennis actually drives (horrors) --- a minivan!!! If that is right; Dennis is a --- soccer Mom!!??!!
We talked about the BAB (Bald Mountain-Addison Oaks-Bald Mountain) ride scheduled for the next day, Thursday, July 17th, and he said he really wanted to be there, that he needed to be there, that he would try to be there but that he had hoped to have at least four rides under his belt before riding with the “group”. Even though he is obviously in great shape (thin, lean and mean looking) I could see the fear in his eyes as he looked at me, old, graying, no muscle tone, a bit of a pot belly but he knew I was riding with the “group” so he was obviously worried about whether he could keep up with “group” since he hasn’t ridden yet this year.
I noticed he was stroking the Mustang, nervously glancing at the hood and I could see the wheels turning in his head. He was thinking that the 20 HP lawnmower engine from his riding lawnmower that he was in the process of bolting onto his bike the last time we swapped Emails wasn’t going to be big enough for him to keep up with the “group”. So, he was thinking about taking the big V8 engine out of his wife’s Mustang and bolting that onto his bike instead!! I know what you are thinking and the visual image in your mind of Dennis straddling that big V8 bolted to his bike as the frame collapses but he is an amateur mechanic and a wild and crazy guy. Dennis would try to do it, if only to be able to open the door from his garage into the house so that he could yell to his wife “Lynn, I’ll be back in a little while, I have to go to the bike store and buy a new bike because mine is broken.” Dennis would buy that new killer bike, sub 20 pound, carbon fiber, really fast bike even if he couldn’t keep up with the “group” on it so at least he would have the satisfaction that the rest of us would be so distracted with bike envy/lust that we wouldn’t notice that he was slow!
Now you have to understand that Dennis already did this to me once, which is why I could see the wheels turning in his head, could read his mind, and could understand his motivation. Back in 1999, when we were worried about the year 2000 playing havoc with all of the computer systems, Dennis was working too much to get very many rides in but he convinced me and my son Nathaniel to ride with him on THE Millennium Polar Rhino Ride on January 1, 2000. Nathaniel and I showed up early and signed in and as we headed back to the parking lot to get our bikes, Dennis went running by us to go sign in, in his business suit!! He was just coming from work and told us he would meet us in the parking lot so Nathaniel and I searched the lot for his truck and his trusty Blue Trek mountain bike, but we couldn’t find it. I did see a truck that looked like Dennis’ but it had a brand spanking new Specialized Stump Jumper Pro full suspension killer mountain bike on it, I think it still even had the stickers on it!! Dennis came out the parking lot and just grinned as he unloaded the bike mumbling something about it being a late Christmas present from him to him. I don’t remember much about THE Millennium Polar Rhino Ride other than Dennis’ new killer bike! So, it is an effective tactic, so effective that I used it myself in the Iceman race last year!!
So, either Dennis is secretly training with Lance Armstrong or he is having trouble bolting an engine onto his bike in such a fashion that we won’t notice it, or he might actually show up for a scheduled ride and surprise us!
Sincerely,
Dan “Krash” Kiplinger
“Embedded” in-the-field Correspondent and Editor-in-Chief for the “Official Mountain Bike Ride Report”.
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